


Back To The Past

by Titti



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Challenge Response, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-02
Updated: 2006-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-15 20:25:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12328245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titti/pseuds/Titti
Summary: When there is no time to save Severus, Draco goes back to 1982.





	Back To The Past

**Author's Note:**

> Written for kinda_lush @ LJ. Prompt: Pensive Memories

"How will dying from exhaustion help you find a cure?" Draco asked as he entered the lab. He stopped behind Severus, watching as the ladle stirred the potion. Three clockwise, five counter clockwise. He'd been staring for what felt like hours. It possibly was since Severus had been spending all of his time in this room. 

Closing his arms around Severus, Draco rested his cheek against Severus's. "You should rest," he added, when Severus gave no sign of answering.

"I can rest when I'm dead," he said curtly.

"You won't find a cure if you're too tired," Draco replied gently.

"Don't you understand," Severus hissed. "I don't have time."

Draco understood better than Severus thought. He'd been there during the final battle, when his aunt had hit his lover with a hex no one knew. Afterwards, Severus had spent months being tested, but they couldn't discover what it was. That had been five years ago. Two years ago, the problems had started, nothing obvious at first, a cold, pain in the joints. A year ago, the healers at St. Mungo's had confirmed Pomfrey's diagnosis. The hex was drying up Severus's fluids, had been for years, but the effects were so slow that no one had picked up on it.

In the past year, no one had been able to find a cure, while the mediwizards talked about a long and painful journey. Draco had been warned that soon Severus would lose the use of his arms, then his legs, slowly and painfully his body would shut down. His aunt was proving her sadistic streak even after her death.

Severus, however, refused to listen to the mediwizards, working on potion after potion, trying to find a cure.

"If only I had started sooner," Severus muttered.

"You didn't know before," Draco said reasonably. "I'm not asking you to stop, only to take a short break. Falling on the cauldron won't improve your potion, and neither will you be able to find out what is wrong if you are falling asleep. Only an hour, and I'll wake you up, I promise."

There was a sigh, a flicker of a wand, and then the flame died down. "All right, but if you don't wake me up-"

"You'll hex me and use my insides as potions ingredients," Draco finished calmly. "I believe you've mentioned that once or twice before." He kissed Severus's cheek and stepped back. "Come on, I'll keep you company."

The used black robe swirled as Severus turned around. "I thought you wanted to rest," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"I believe I can control myself," Draco said with a soft smile, but in truth it had been weeks since they had done more than a few handjobs, and even then Draco had had to be extra careful not to cause pain. He took Severus's hand, careful not to tighten his grip and walked slowly, without making it too obvious. Severus hated to show any weakness.

When they reached their bedroom, Severus lay down without a fight, more proof that the man was more tired than he was willing to admit. "Stay," he said calmly.

"Why?" Draco asked amused.

"You will forget to wake me otherwise, and then I'd have to kill you," Severus answered in his scariest tone. 

Draco chuckled. "You've threatened me too many times, and I'm still alive." However, he lay next to Severus, and waited for him to fall asleep.

"I'm doing this for you," he whispered, once he was certain that Severus wouldn't wake up. "If I'm successful, you will be all right, but… things will change, nothing will be the same, we… we might not be the same, we might not be together. I love you, and if not being with you is the price to see you live, then so be it." Draco kissed the top of Severus's head. "Goodbye, Severus."

Fighting tears, he went to the dresser, and picked up the time turner that Granger had given him. He touched the object with reverence. This was his only chance to save Severus's life. 

He Apparated at the outskirts of Spinner's End, and began to spin the time turner. A dog barked, surprised, as Draco disappeared from his present.

~*~*~*~

The house looked as dilapidated as it had in his time. If he hadn't known better, he would have sworn that no one lived here, but Draco did know better. He had made a point of questioning his parents before embarking on this journey. As he knocked on the door and waited for an answer, he reviewed everything he had learned from his parents.

It was the summer of 1982. The trials were finally over, and Lucius had been released after months in Azkaban. His father, still upset that Severus had spent a mere two weeks in prison, refused to see or speak to the Potions master. Draco counted on this distance for the success of his task.

"Good afternoon," Draco said calmly as the door creaked and opened slightly. A shadow appeared in the crack, and Draco could hear the whispered spells as Severus made sure, repeatedly and with invasive spells, that Draco didn't represent a danger. 

"Who are you and what do you want?"

The voice was younger, a higher tonality, with a trace of a low class accent, however, the tone was still the same: suspicion, warning and distaste all wrapped in one. 

Draco kept his cordial and blank mask on. "My name is Draco Malfoy."

"That's Lucius's son," Severus answered.

"It's a family name. I'm one of Lucius's cousins."

"He doesn't have cousins."

"None that he would acknowledge," Draco answered. "My grandfather made the mistake of marrying a Muggle, and the family did not take it kindly. He was forced to leave Britain, trying to avoid more problems within the family."

The door opened wider, and Severus stepped into the fading sunlight. His dark eyes travelled over Draco, taking in every detail, and then his eyes focused on Draco's face. "You mean he left to stay alive."

Draco smiled. It wasn't difficult. The sight of his lover always made him happy, but to see him young and healthy was a gift he'd never hoped for. It took all of his control not to rush and pull Severus in his arms. Instead, he kept his voice in check as he said, "You could say that."

"You look like Lucius, but he doesn't smile," Severus said evenly. "You still haven't said why you are here."

"Ah… yes, you see, I'll be in the country for a week or two, and as you can imagine, Lucius isn't happy having me around." Draco watched the other man carefully. He hoped that he hadn't miscalculated the situation or it would mean Severus's death. He took a deep breath. "He suggested that I come here. Lucius said that you have a guest room-"

"It's very small," Severus rushed to say.

"I only need a bed for a few days," Draco said. "Besides, Lucius indicated that you would be… discrete." There was no need to act at this point. The Malfoy smirk was plastered on Draco's face. "He must really trust you to send me here… or maybe it's something else…." 

"I have no time for your veiled insinuation. Whatever you are thinking, people have said worse, and I don't give a rat's arse." Severus stopped abruptly, and once again his eyes moved up and down Draco's body. "I'm working, the house smells of potions, and there are ingredients everywhere. I use the kitchen as my laboratory. The guest room is small and I do not cook for uninvited guests. If you still wish to stay here…." He held the door open for a few moments, and Draco knew that if he hesitated the door would close forever. He stepped into the dark house, and Severus pushed the door close behind him. 

"I can help," Draco said as he looked at the three cauldrons set on the kitchen table.

Severus snorted.

"I _can_. My lover is an expert Potions maker," Draco said in a softer tone.

"I see," Severus said, clearly not convinced, and yet he pushed a knife toward Draco. "If you screw up, you'll clean up."

Draco smiled brightly. "I'm used to it, but I won't, screw up, that is." He took the knife, and began to dice the dragon liver that Severus shoved in front of him. "Dragon liver is pretty expensive." Draco grinned when he saw Severus's shock. The man hadn't expected him to recognise it.

As Draco showed off his skills, Severus passed him more ingredients, and when hours later, he had finished one of the three potions, Severus looked at him. "That is decent."

Draco bit his lip to stop from smiling. He knew that was as much of a compliment as Severus would ever bestow on anyone. "Thank you, and now if you don't mind, I need to go to Diagon Alley before the stores close."

* * *

The next morning, Severus came down to find Draco at work on his own potion. "What is that?"

"An experiment. I made tea. By chance, I found some red label stuck at the back of the cupboard." No, he hadn't. He'd looked for it, knowing that Severus preferred it over the more expensive kinds, and yet refused to drink it with people around. "I hope you don't mind drinking it. I can make you something else if you'd like."

"No sense in wasting tea, even as bourgeois as this." Severus looked at his kitchen. There was a dirty dish in the sink, and on the counter, there was a second plate. "Black pudding, square sausage, baked beans, fried bread and mushrooms. I didn't know Malfoys had such plebeian taste."

"Not all of us are Lucius." Of course, Draco had eaten none of that stuff. There was enough grease to clog his arteries and ruin his complexion, but Severus didn't need to know all of that. "I don't see why one should deprive himself of good food only because it's associated with the lower classes," he said with a smile.

It was the right thing to say, because Severus picked up the plate and began picking on his favourite food. "What kind of experiment?" he asked.

Draco sighed. "It's complicated… I have a friend who's very ill, he was hit by a hex, no one can identify it, but I'm hoping I can come up with something."

"What about your lover, the expert Potions maker?" Severus almost spit out the words. "Can't he help you?"

Draco shook his head. "He's the one who's sick; he's too weak to do this."

Severus frowned. "Shouldn't you be there with him?"

Draco smiled sadly. "To watch him die? No, I'm doing something to see him live." He raised his eyes and stared at Severus. "I lied to you. When he became too sick, I asked around, trying to find someone qualified to help with the potion. Your name came up time and time again. I did some research, and found out about your friendship with Lucius, and used it, but he has no idea I'm here. He'd kill me if he knew." It wasn't a lie; his father would probably kill him when he returned to his time, but Draco was not above using the temporary enmity to get Severus to help. "I had to risk it though. From what I hear, you are the best." A touch of admiration went far with Severus, something else he'd learned long ago. "Will you help me? No one else has been able to. Please." A final plea combined with ego stroke, there was no way that Severus would refuse him now.

The Potions master laid down the plate he was holding, and began circling Draco, watching intently at the potion and the ingredients lying on the table. "Did he help you create this?"

"Yes." The potion was the result of a year of experiments, closer to what Severus needed, but not quite right.

Severus took the ladle from Draco's hand and stirred the potion, before bringing the ladle in front of his face. He smelled the potion and nodded in approval. "He must be smart."

"He's brilliant," Draco answered.

"It would be a waste to let such a man die. I will help."

Draco smiled again. "Thank you. This means more than you know."

* * *

Things weren't going as well as Draco had hoped. Severus had been trying variations of the potion, but due to its volatility, more times than not, the potion ended up in the ceiling. Something, Severus did not appreciate. Two weeks later, they were still trying to find a combination that could theoretically work.

"It is impossible to find the right combination when there is no subject test around. I need him here," Severus said, one evening. 

Draco hadn't thought of that, but even if he had, there was no way he could go back and forth in time. Now, he was hoping that Severus would eventually remember enough of these experiments so that in the future he could find the right cure before it was too late. "He can't travel."

"Then, we should go to him."

Draco shook his head. "We can't." The repercussions of young Severus meeting his future self would be staggering. At least, it was what Granger had said over and over and over. Draco hadn't much cared past the fact that this could help Severus.

Young Severus tossed the ladle on the table. "Then this is a waste of time."

"Maybe, we should take a break," Draco conceded after a moment. "It's late, and it's unlikely that we'll get any further tonight."

"No, I know I can do it," Severus said as he picked up a clean knife.

Draco grabbed his wrist with one hand, and gently took the knife away, resting it on the table. "I know you can," he whispered. He turned to stare at Severus, with his fingers he traced the wrinkles that should have been there but weren't. This Severus looked so young and angry and lonely, but had the same drive and honour and stubborn streak than his own Severus. Draco's fingers stopped on Severus's lips. "We can wait until the morning."

"What are you doing?" Severus asked, his voice as cold as a winter night.

Draco pulled his hand back. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have."

"Why?"

He almost played coy with Severus, but he understood his lover's insecurities and fears better than Severus himself. "Because I like you-" _because I love you_ , "because I'm attracted to you-" _because I miss you_.

Severus's hand rested on Draco's shoulder and he squeezed it gently. "I will find the cure."

Draco closed his eyes, letting the certainty in Severus's voice wash over him. He wanted to believe Severus so much, craved nothing else than his reassuring touch, and when he felt chopped lips pressed against his, he didn't question it. He pulled Severus closer, trapping him in his arms as he plundered Severus's mouth. "God, I want you," Draco murmured. He felt Severus pull away at the words, but he held tighter. "I want _you_." He hadn't known how true it was until Severus had kissed him. He missed sex, but more than that he missed sex with Severus.

He pushed aside the thought that he was attracted to this Severus. It wasn't physical. If anything, this man was scrawnier, even less interested in his looks. His skin was marred by acne, and his hair hadn't discovered the expensive products that Draco bought. He also lacked the power that his future self emanated and that was exactly why Draco wanted him. For once, Draco was the older one, if only by months, the more experienced one, and Severus's need to shield and protect him did not stand between them.

"Please, let me..." Draco couldn't find a proper way to finish.

"Your lover-"

"He'll understand." At least, he hoped so.

"I've never...with another man... girls are different." 

Except he'd never been with any girl and Draco knew it. Severus was a virgin, and he was about to become his lover. 

"I'll take care of you, I swear," he said softly. He sealed his promise with a kiss, warm and reassuring, igniting as their tongues met and their hands searched for each other. Within minutes, he was pulling Severus toward his bedroom, shedding their robes as they walked, kissing Severus's doubts and fears away.

Everything slowed down when they reached the room. Draco wanted to enjoy every instant. He kissed every part of the long, pale body, ignoring the pleas coming from Severus. He never sped up the pace, driving both of them insane, but when he finally breached his lover, it was like coming home, and Draco shattered as months of isolation melted away.

* * *

The warmth of another body shocked Draco until he remembered the night before. He ignored the tension in Severus's body, and kissed his nape. "Morning," he murmured in a drowsy voice.

Severus rolled over so they were facing each other. A glimpse into those dark eyes told Draco that Severus had reached some decision, and his heart beat a little faster. "What is it? Don't tell me you won't help me anymore?"

Severus shook his head. "I'll still work on the potion, but you need to go back."

Draco frowned. "Why? Have I done something to offend you? I didn't... oh God, I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Of course not!"

Draco smiled at that. Being hurt meant being weak, and the idea seemed to offend Severus regardless of his age. "Then why do you want me to go?"

Severus took a deep breath before answering. "Because if I were dying, I'd want you there, even if I said differently."

Draco gasped. How many times had Severus pushed him away in the past year? He had even suggested that Draco should find someone else. He closed his eyes, trying to hide the pain. "And you will continue to look... even if... time passes?"

"I promise I will. Research always helps someone." Severus leaned closer and kissed him gently. "If you didn't look so much like Lucius, I would never have believed that you are a Malfoy. You're a good man, Draco Malfoy."

Draco opened his eyes again. "And you are-" _my world_. "Brilliant, and caring, and honourable, and I care for you, more than you'll ever know. No matter what happens in the future, remember that."

* * *

Draco left the house with a last kiss and a sense of trepidation. He Apparated to the exact spot where he had arrived and returned to his time. From there, he Apparate home.

The house was eerily quiet, but at least he had been able to Apparate. This was still his home. He went straight to the bedroom, and his heart sank when he found it empty.

"I woke up and you weren't there."

Draco turned, smiling and gasping, and he was close to hyperventilating at the sight of his Severus.

"There was something else. I suddenly knew what I was doing wrong. It took one try and I brewed the right potion." Severus grabbed Draco's shoulders before he could express any joy at the good news. "What were you thinking?"

"That I love you and don't want you to die," he snapped back.

"That you care more than I'll ever know," Severus said coldly.

Draco lowered his eyes for an instant. Severus had the uncanny ability to make him feel like a recalcitrant child, but he had been right, he had saved Severus and they were still together. He couldn't think of a better outcome. He looked at Severus again, defiance clear on his face. "I love you, you are my world, my life, and I couldn't tell your young self, and you've never wanted to hear it before, but I love you, and I will always do everything in my power to help you."

"How? By changing my life?"

"By saving you." Draco sighed. "How much damage... how much did I change things?"

Severus finally let go. "I don't know. Obviously, I knew about the potion." He walked to the window and stared outside. "While I was waiting, I put my memories of studying the potion in my pensive, and do you know what I found?"

"I... I don't know."

"That everything was about you, my first love, my first lover. How is that possible when you were only a child?"

"Severus-"

"Shut up, Draco." Silence descended around them, until Severus was ready to break it. "In class, I kept watching you. You looked so much like Lucius, everyone kept saying, but you looked more like that young man I knew, and I couldn't stay away from you. When Voldemort picked you to kill Albus, I had to help. Your mother's request made little difference."

"And that's the proof that things haven't changed as much as you think." Draco took a few steps forward and hugged Severus from behind. "I knew you cared for me before I went back to the past. I might be your first lover, but you've always been my one and only love and lover, and maybe it was all meant to be, maybe I was always meant to go back."

"And maybe you're worse than a first year Gryffindor covering his tracks." Severus answered, some of the chillness leaving his voice.

"And maybe I'm right." Draco kissed his neck and rested his chin on Severus's shoulder. "I don't know if it makes a difference, but when I asked who your first lover was you refused to answer me. I always assumed that my father was involved-"

"Are you mad? I've never had sex with your father."

Draco smiled. "That's nice to know, but see? Maybe it was me all along."

"Merlin, I'm getting a headache thinking about time continuum and paradoxes."

"I have the perfect solution: stop thinking about it, " Draco started. "Instead fuck me until neither of us can think."

"Spoilt brat," Severus said affectionately. He spun around and pulled Draco so close that their lips brushed together. "I missed you."

"And I, you, but I'm here now, and I don't plan to go anywhere."

* * *

Through the years Severus went back to his pensive. He never did under how time travel had affected their lives, but past, present and future all proved that Draco was right about one thing: they were meant to be together.


End file.
